Archive for July, 2008

Roles

Once I heard from a friend:

“It is interesting because the more outstanding you are more you have to be in a unknow place to establish your thoughts and persolanity.”

I have to say: That`s true! When you are surrounded by your family, friends etc, you do not have to think to much about your actions. They already know you very well, and everything you do usually is completely expected by them. Even surprises are expected, for, they know how you love them. But if you go somewhere wich people don`t know you, probably they will not know what expect from you, so,  you have to make your own decisions by yourself.

And that is the point where you really find who you are. Believe me it is a little bit scaring, because you play a lot of roles trying to fit you in some of them. Particularly, I`ve been as sensible and courageous as a super spy, I`ve been romantic and sensitive as a princess, I`ve been consistent and lovely as a mom! Although I did not have any of this adjectives in my list of qualities, but, two special little minds are making me like this.

Despite all, the most amazing thing is that I have never thought before that I could be like this, at least in a way that I am now.

Among of all the roles I`m finding myself, not really finding, but proving who I might be whenever and wherever I am!

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Insensitive

I don`t know if every one knows it, but, I`m in the USA! Yeah! That sounds really good, doens`t it?! Nevertheless, if you think a little bit more about it, you will probably realize that it means that I had left a lot of things in Brazil too. I left the greatest best friends that I could ever got in the whole world, but I didn`t leave the friendship; I left the most beautiful family that God could ever gave me, but I took the care; I left my grandma and my dearest aunt, but I didn`t leave what they have taght me; I left my one thousand utilities, that means Li, but I brought with me every single special moment and word that I got from her; I left some friends that I didn`t expect, but I didn`t leave what they made me feel.

That is why I`m not feeling really bad, after all I`m not without you, in fact you all were what gave me courage and maturity to come in, and you`re here with me, in every memory.  I feel that all of the last tough 5 years were to prepare me to this.  God loved in a way that He prepared each step to reach a goal, and believe me: if you think that is huge enough to be a goal… that`s not. He`s goal is to make me just like him, that is pretty huge.

And do you know what He did? He put me in a family that doens`t really care about him, and fulled my heart with all of the passion that I could ever have about him, He gave  me a thankful heart so in every moment I can show them His life. I can show them what He had done for me.

And do you know what? I`m with people that doens`t know anything about me, unless some few information that I gave. So they don`t  have any stereotype, and pre ideas about me. And this is when my faith will be proved and approved, for, I have to show them not who I am, but who He is, all the time.

Because of it, I can`t stop to think about you guys, each of you, but I have to say – forgive if I`m little bit insentive – I don`t miss you. And Do you know why??? Because every single minute I remember what I have learnt with you, what you would be telling me, how He had used you in my life. So, I cannot be sad, because this is the moment that I realized how He had loved me through your lives. My memories about you help me to keep going, not to want to go back, I mean not now but only in the right moment 🙂 . It makes me wake up each morning and say: Thank you Lord!

I hope you understand how much I love you all, and how important you are for me.

yours